I live in a rather vanilla marriage that I am trying to move more toward Female led. I am a bit of a stealth submissive to my professional wife of over thirty years. I finally "came out" to my wife a few years ago but it hasn't been completely satisfactory. My wife thinks more of my desire for submission and discipline as a sexual game, if not just an out and out fetish. She will spank me occasionally, but I usually have to give her a fairly strong hint that I need a spanking.
In fact, I was spanked last week after I indicated that I probably deserved some discipline. She picked up on this saying, "Yes, indeed, you masturbated the other night without my permission or help, jiggled the bed, and woke me up in the middle of the night. You know I don't like that." It was true, and I was a little embarrassed as I did not realize she had waked up. Unfortunately, I did not get a promise of the spanking I desired. The conversation took place during breakfast and she simply dropped the subject, as she does so often when I get up the nerve to discuss our relationship. It can be very frustrating.
That night I was cooking dinner (I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, etc.), and was surprised when my wife came in and exclaimed, "You have had a number of transgressions this week including waking me up in the middle of the night masturbating without permission. You will have to have a spanking before bed tonight. Go to my room and put on your hottest pink punishment panties. You can wear those the rest of the evening to remind you what is in store for you."
Wow! I did as she said and continued to fix dinner. We ate, and I cleaned up the kitchen. She was going to clean up the kitchen because she doesn't see me as a submissive, but I insisted on doing it. So she went to the den to watch some TV. I thought to myself that I needed to take this opportunity to advance our relationship, but I was nervous about possibly turning her off.
In any case, I finished the cleanup in the kitchen and went to the den and began to rub her feet. She loves a foot rub. I, unfortunately, am not very articulate when I talk to my wife about relationship issues, but I decided to give it a try. I tried to explain to her that this was a bit more than a game to me and I really needed her discipline. She seemed more or less disinterested.
When she decided to go to bed she told me to go to her room and strip to my punishment panties, and wait in the corner until she was ready for bed and she called me. About fifteen minutes later she came into the bedroom and told me to bring her the leather strap. I had purchased the strap over a year ago and she had only used it on me once, briefly.
I brought her the strap. She took it, and then had me position myself across the ottoman that is in the bedroom. She scolded me, and then lowered my panties and gave me thirty good strokes with the strap. They hurt. We then went to bed, me still in my punishment panties. I felt strangely bonded to her by that experience. I kept my panties on and simply cuddled with her all night.
My wife, I’m sure, does this as a game. She loves me and will do some things for me that she is not particularly interested in doing, precisely because she loves me. I don’t think she experiences the spiritual or bonding aspect of spanking that I do. Furthermore, I’m not sure I understand what brings out such feelings in me. In any case, I know it is something very real and meaningful to me and I wish she could get more out of it. Or maybe I’m over analyzing spanking; maybe it’s just fun.