Saturday, September 19, 2009

A Punishment Book

How can I manage to get  frequent spankings from C? I love them so much. For the last two months I have gotten one about every two weeks. I could use a spanking much more frequently, but C seems to have a hard time coming up with things to punish me for, and, although she doesn’t really need a reason to spank me, that seems to be the model (the discipline spanking) that has evolved in our relationship.

Yesterday, I floated the idea of a “punishment book” to C. I could record my transgressions in the journal and C could assign a number of strokes for each transgression. I thought that I could write down some of the more common transgressions in the front of the book to help C out, for example, being impatient with her when she asks me a computer question. That always annoys her, and I really should be spanked for that since I’m not a techno whizz myself. C didn’t seem enthusiastic.

“I’ll only spank you when I want to,” said C.

Today C needed some stationary supplies and I accompanied her to the store (with an ulterior motive). I found an inexpensive small leather bound journal. I picked it up and found C.

I showed her the journal and whispered, ”Couldn’t we give the ‘Naughty Book’ a try?”

“Okay,” said C, looking exasperated, and clearly not wanting to get into a discussion in the store. I thought latter that I acted like a naughty child taking advantage of his mother, but I do really want to do something to give C more control and give me more spankings. I mean, really, I should get a spanking for taking advantage of her like that, but she of course will overlook that transgression.

I think it would be exciting to have C make me write in the “Naughty Book” when I have done something, well, naughty. It would underline her control over me and it would give me those wonderful butterflies that I get when anticipating a spanking.

The problem with all of this is that, again, it is “me-focused.” I really want C to enjoy controlling and spanking me. I really want her to get something out of it, but I’m not sure she has reached that point yet.

Anyway, I have to set up the “Naughty Book” with some kind of protocol. For example I was thinking a basic spanking, e.g. maintenance, should be about ten strokes, and strokes assessed for infractions should be added to the basic spanking. It would be at C’s discretion when to give a spanking and how many infractions she would remedy with each spanking. So, for example, if C reviewed the “Naughty Book” and I had been disrespectful (5 strokes), masturbated without permission (5 strokes, if I get caught), waked her up in the middle of the night with my watch alarm that I often forget to turn off (10 strokes), I would get a total of thirty strokes. I don’t know if I could take thirty strokes if she chose the bath brush.

Now, I like the idea of recording all the little things that C could spank me for, and anticipating a spanking is always exciting, but I also like the element of surprise as, for example, when C surprised me with a spanking last weekend.

Anyway, that is the idea. Does anybody have any thoughts or suggestions?

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Positive Effects of Spanking

Well, I’m still having a high from my Sunday spanking.  I commented to Hermione that there is a definite effect on the attitude of the male spankee after a spanking.  In  my case, the ritual control exercised in our spanking ritual extends for many days after the spanking occurs.

As an example, on Monday I had an appointment at the hospital that serves our area.  I also badly needed to go to the hospital business office and try, again, to sort out an insurance debacle that has been dogging me for nearly a year.  I was dreading it.  My appointment took much longer than I had expected.  I had to be tested and then seen by a physician, who, was running behind.  When I finished with the appointment, I thought to myself, “I’ve spent too much time here.  I’m not going to deal with this insurance issue today.”  I left the hospital, got in my car and drove off.

Five minutes later I was thinking to myself, “C was good enough to put me through a spanking yesterday, even though she was recovering from a cold.  She really wants some resolution of this insurance issue, and will ask me about it when I get home.  I really can’t tell her I have put this off.”  Although, had I gone home that evening and told C I had put off dealing with the problem I might have gotten a spanking.  But that’s not fair to C, is it?

I turned around, went back to the hospital, and dealt with the problem.  As luck would have it, I got a very decent representative and we may have made some progress.

In the last few months I have been surprised by this connection between spanking and my tendency not to procrastinate in carrying out C’s wishes; I don’t procrastinate, at least not nearly as much.  I want to get things done for her.

Now this blog is about a real relationship and I always have to keep reality in mind.  I know C views this spanking ritual as a little role play game that she would probably not choose to play given other circumstances.  She gets better at it every time, but I know that she does it primarily because she loves me and wants to make me happy.

I, on the other hand, do want C’s control and I want a ritual that manifests the fact that I will submit to her control.  I view spanking as the perfect ritual for that goal.  The pain makes it real.  The remarkable thing is that the control somehow extends beyond the ritual.  I don’t quite understand that, but I suppose it may be a good thing.

Artist: possibly Sardax from T.A.K.S.A Yahoo Group

Monday, September 14, 2009

A Sunday Spanking

Wow! I got a spanking yesterday.  It caught me completely by surprise.  C has been sick with a bad cold lately, but she woke up feeling much better Sunday morning.  I brought her her morning coffee and the newspaper, and got back into bed.

She looked down at me and said, “You know, I was very annoyed with you yesterday.  They called from the groomer and asked why you weren’t there to pick up the dogs.”

“I was only a few minutes late.  They said the dogs wouldn’t be ready until after 4:00 and I got there at 4:30.” I said, not realizing what C’s sudden change in mood was all about.

“Yes, but I tried to call you too, both at your office and on your cell phone.  I was getting very worried.”

“Well, I don’t know why the cell phone didn’t work; you probably just missed me at the office.”

“Well in any case,” said C, “I think you need a spanking.  Go put on some punishment panties, and you need to do some corner time while I finish the newspaper.”

I now realized what it was about, and I got little butterflies in my stomach. I dutifully put on her favorite pair of punishment panties, a little pink thing with black lace, and took my place in the corner.  It was the Sunday paper she was reading; I was in the corner quite a while.

“It’s almost time, I think you should go get the bath brush and then back in the corner.”   C said casually turning the page of her paper.

The terrible Vermont Country Store bath brush, I fetched it from the bathroom and returned to the corner.  My legs were shaking.  It was cool in the house.  I couldn’t decide whether I was cold or nervous.  I new this was going to hurt, but one can never know quite how much.

After another ten minutes, C got up and came to the corner and put her arms around me pressing her breasts into my back.

“I’m going to punish you now.  I don’t like to, but it has to be done.  Come over to the ottoman.”

I followed C to the ottoman and as she sat down I knelt at her feet, handed her the bath brush, hugged her and said, “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She said. “Stand up and get across my lap.”

I did as I was told.  Once over her lap I gripped the leg of the ottoman with my left hand and balanced myself on the floor with my right arm.  This is where the reality starts to set in.  I knew there would be pain.

C pulled down my panties and made little circles with the bath brush on both cheeks.  Then she started.  C is not much of a scolder; she simply spanks.  The pain was fairly intense from the beginning.  I cried out with each stroke, and then began to squirm.  I think she only gave me fifteen or twenty strokes, but the Vermont Country Store bath brush is a wicked instrument.

“It’s over now,” said C.  She took me back to bed and held me.  Oh, the bonding rush.  It makes the pain really worthwhile.  I don’t know that I ever feel in love like I do after a spanking from C.

Artist: Tommy Tippie

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I read the following paragraph in a description of a “Good Spanking” in the message board of a Yahoo Group.  It is apparently from a now defunct blog, and I assume it is public domain.

After a spanking:

A hug is traditional. No other form of exchange is required, or should be expected. Spanking can be sexually arousing, but to enjoy it to it's fullest it should never be considered "foreplay." It's a very special path to pleasure that creates a satisfaction all its own. Whether erotic or disciplinary, spanking should be enjoyed as just that and not be co-mingled with other emotional experiences and responses. Else all the vitality, relaxation and satisfaction are compromised.

I tend to agree with this assessment and this has been my experience of late.  Mind you, I’ll take a good spanking from C any way I can get it! If she wants to do it as foreplay, so be it.  But, I think I prefer a discipline spanking with simple hugs and cuddles afterward in order to experience the optimum bonding rush.

As it turns out C accidentally head this post.  I had typed it in Word before posting and Word lists the last few posts when you go the file menu.

“So you don’t want to have sex after a spanking, you just want to be hugged?” C said as we cuddled in bed the other night.

The statement caught me off guard.  Did I detect a little disappointment in her tone?  “Where is that coming from?” I asked, realizing almost immediately that she had read the first draft of my blog post.

“I read something you had written in Word.  You said you preferred hugs to sex.”

“Well, that’s what you did the last time you spanked me, and I liked it.  I found this article on a “Good Spanking,” and I thought maybe it justified the reason I liked only hugs with no sex.  I was going to post it to my blog to see what other people think.  But I like sex with you too.  You should read my blog.  I have a hard time articulating these things.”

“Hmmm.  Would you rub my back, please?”

I do have a hard time articulating my thoughts on spankings and sex to C, partly because I only get to do it in thirty second intervals.  That is indeed why I started to blog; to organize my thoughts, to get feedback from people with more experience than I, and at some point relate all of this to C in an organized way.  I don’t mind at all that she read the draft post, but I’m afraid that she may have taken it out of context. 

Anyway, I’ve digressed.  I was going somewhere else with this post.

Do other people find that sex distracts from the bonding rush one experiences after spanking?  Is it better to use spankings as fore foreplay, i.e. have a spanking six to twelve hours before sex?  Since I regard spanking as a submission ritual wherein I demonstrate my dependence and submission to my wife, I regard missionary sex immediately after a spanking as somewhat in conflict with the goal of the ritual.  Furthermore, I don’t recall having the bonding rush when we have used spanking as foreplay.  I really love that bonding rush.

I wonder what other people think.

Artwork by: Miss Francy 

Friday, September 4, 2009

Coming Clean

I told C about my blog last night. I had had a good day that turned sour after I got home and I tried to resolve an insurance issue over the phone. I told C that I didn’t feel like cooking, and we should go to a restaurant. My attitude didn’t improve much at the restaurant, and I just picked at my food.

C said, “Don’t worry, this thing will get resolved. And, I will make you feel better. I’ll spank you.”

Oh! My favorite subject. I don’t know what made me do it but I just said, “You know, C, I have a spanking blog.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding!”

“No, I’ve had it for a couple of months. I’ll show it to you when we get home.”

“Not tonight,” said C.

When we got home I offered again to show C my blog, but she declined. However, she didn’t seem too distressed at the knowledge I had started a blog dealing with my thoughts on spanking. It is actually fine with me if she never reads it. Reading it might stress her out. I feel much better that she knows about the Blog; I don’t like keeping secrets from C.

I just love C. Her one statement at the restaurant was like a flash of sunshine illuminating the fact that she understands me, and acknowledges the dependence I have on her.

I haven’t gotten the spanking she promised me, yet. I suppose it would fall into the category of a stress relief spanking. I’ve never experienced one of those.

Artist: unknown (Jay Em?), from T.A.K.S.A Yahoo Group

Thursday, September 3, 2009


I really don’t like to ask for a spanking, but as my need intensifies I do. The spanking submission ritual is greatly enhanced if C controls it from beginning to end. In part, it is C’s control I crave as well as the bonding rush that follows. The control actually extends beyond the spanking. I don’t think C recognizes this yet, but I do.

I have read comments by other bloggers in F/M discipline relationships that spanking solves problems, clears the air and provides benefits to the wife in the form of a well behaved, obedient and helpful husband. I have always been skeptical of such claims.

In particular, in our relationship, “problems” are basically contrived to provide a foil for a ritual spanking. C would never use a spanking to solve a real relationship problem (at least I don’t think she would at this point in time, although I would probably submit to that). Consequently, the benefit of a well behaved, obedient and helpful husband should not necessarily be the result of C spanking me. However, I have noted that my recent spankings may be the cause that has produced that very effect.

I’ll give an example. I received a mind blowing spanking on Friday, almost two weeks ago. I basked in the glow of it all weekend which was fortunate because there was no glow from the sun. It rained all weekend. As a result of the rain, I couldn’t cut the grass (which didn’t hurt my feelings at all). However, about the middle of the week C said, “You know, it’s supposed to rain again this coming weekend. Do you think you should cut the grass after work tomorrow?” As I have mentioned in the past, C loves to look out at a freshly mowed lawn. Now, normally the last thing I would want to do is cut the grass after work, and since the days are getting shorter, I would have to spend two evenings after work to get it done. But, I did it. It surprised me, but I did it with the complete knowledge that I was cutting the grass to curry C’s pleasure and as a result of her control vis-à-vis the spanking she had given me the previous Friday.

It took Thursday and Friday evening to cut all the grass. After cutting the grass Friday, I came in and cooked dinner, and because C was busy with something she was interested in I told her I would clean up the kitchen as well. C often helps with that or does it herself on the grounds that she wants me to exercise on the treadmill after dinner.

The next morning we were lying in bed and C was having her coffee and reading the paper. C said, “I’m sorry I was such a slug last night.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you cut the grass, cooked dinner, and cleaned up the kitchen, and I did nothing. I feel guilty.”

“Don’t. I like to do things for you. I like to submit to your desires, and I like it that you allow me to demonstrate my submission by spanking me. That’s why you got your grass cut during the week.”

“You’re too sweet to spank,” said C, patting me on the bottom.

Well, I keep trying, but what am I going to do. I still don’t think C fully gets it. I started back on my diet and exercise program this week because I know C wants me to. I had lost twenty pounds earlier in the year, but have gained ten pounds back (should have gotten a spanking for that!). I’m beginning to love and even need her control, and she seems to be oblivious to it. Perhaps in a few months I’ll look better in my punishment panties.

Photo: from Naughty_Husband Yahoo Group

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Rational for Special Clothing in the Submission Ritual

I don’t consider myself a cross dresser, but our spanking ritual is embellished with “punishment panties.” I wear feminine panties prior to and during my spanking and afterward around my knees for corner time (assuming I get corner time afterward). Now, this seems to be a fairly common ritual in the F/M spanking community. As many as thirty percent of the F/M spanking bloggers mention the use of panties in their rituals, and it is very common to see mention in the F/M groups.
I, for one, have always had an interest in women’s underwear and I think this is not an uncommon interest among men. As examples of this interest, consider college panty raids and the great popularity of Victoria’s Secret fashion shows among males.
I can trace my interest in women’s underwear to a very early age. In the fifties everyone had a Sears and Roebuck catalogue, and I had an interest in three sections of the book: the toys section, the home health aids section and the women’s and girl’s underwear section. This was not exactly a Victoria’s Secret catalogue but there were models, women and girls, in their underwear. I knew, perhaps instinctively, that girl’s panties covered something quite different from what my underwear covered and I was fascinated by what it might be. I also felt that I should not be looking at that section of the catalogue and that I would be quite embarrassed if my mother found me out. There was guilt associated with having prurient interest in women’s underwear. I was very young, maybe five or six when I started doing this.
When I was about the same age, I taught myself a crude form of masturbation. People seem to doubt that fact, but it is true. When I would masturbate, I would fantasize about Cynthia in nothing but panties. I would fantasize about what those panties covered. I didn’t know. Believe it or not, if I was lucky, I would have a little tickling orgasm while fantasizing about Cynthia. At six, I was in love with Cynthia and, in my fantasies, her panties.
I grew up, and went to college. In the sixties college boys engaged in a pastime that, in the south, we called “shooting squirrels.” The term referred to catching a sneak peak up a woman’s skirt to see her panties and then fantasizing about the delicious part of her anatomy that the panties covered. In those days all college women were required to wear dresses in public by male chauvinist college administrators and their persimmon lipped matron minions, usually deans of women students. The squirrel-shooting activity was often best accomplished in the library where, on the pretense of studying, one would take a seat at a library table facing a girl one table over. Skirts were getting shorter in the sixties, and if one were lucky, one could get a good view of a lovely pair of panties covering the object of all men’s desire. Occasionally, the young woman would accommodate you by opening her legs a bit, giving you and enhanced view. I loved this activity and I always wondered what it would feel like to be encased in a pair of those lacy or satiny under things.
I had a very unconventional roommate in college. He was extremely heterosexual, masculine and girls loved him, but in many ways he was on the fringe; he still is. He loved silk, and somewhere he found out how to order silk underwear. These were silk briefs and bikini briefs in fuchsia, pink, burgundy and baby blue. He wore them without compunction, and I chided him for being a bit strange. Secretly, I really wanted to wear them myself, but my twenty year old macho personality wouldn’t allow it at the time.
I eventually married a lovely woman who was tall and slender and beautiful and looked wonderful in lingerie. She is still my wife today. I loved to sneak into her lingerie drawers and I eventually got up the nerve to go into lingerie stores and buy her panties and nightgowns and things. If the sales staff thought I was a cross dresser, they didn’t say anything and generally were quite helpful. I don't think I was a cross dresser, but occasionally, if my wife went out of town on business I would try on a pair of her lace or satin panties. They felt great. However, I didn’t risk wearing them too long and there was always the risk of stretching them. When I did wear them, I felt extremely naughty in a delicious sort of way, rather like I felt when I would look at the girl models in their panties in the Sears and Roebuck catalogue. The old guilt feelings were there as well.
All this time my interest in spanking was developing and growing stronger. One day I came across a paperback book in one of the large chain bookstores titled “Submissions” by Grant Andrews. It was simply in with the fiction books. At the time, I don’t think the large bookstores had erotic or pornographic sections. The book was a fairly well written Femdom novel about one man’s submission to a group of dominant women that he had assembled in a special secluded home he built in order to live a 24/7 Femdom lifestyle. In that novel, I was introduced to the concept of “punishment panties” and it fascinated and titillated me. The protagonist was made to wear special punishment panties for all of his frequent punishments.
As the web developed and more F/M spanking forums and blogs came on line I began to realize that the concept of punishment panties was not uncommon among F/M males, or female dominants for that matter. I incorporated the idea into my spanking fantasies.
When I finally came out to my wife about my interest in having her discipline me, it was incumbent on me to develop a spanking ritual (she would have had no concept of a spanking ritual). I had a pair of punishment panties available in the form of a black male thong that my wife and daughters had bought me one year as a gag gift for Christmas. I explained to her that when she disciplined me, she should make me wear nothing but the punishment panties, do corner time, etc, etc. My wife took all this in, but with a look of great disbelief. Then I made the first great error in my planned adventure into spanko life. I told my wife that, really, my punishment panties should be a pair of her panties, and that I had occasionally tried some of them on when she went out of town.
Now, my wife has always known that I’m a little kinky, but this apparently went over the line. She told me that under no circumstances was she going to put me in her panties, and that I was to absolutely stay away from her underwear. Furthermore, she thought this whole thing was nuts! End of spanking adventure.
A number of months went by and my desire to be spanked by my wife did not subside. I had always wished that the spanking ritual would come naturally to her, but it didn’t and probably never would.
We live in the Northeast and one weekend we were driving through Vermont and came upon the Vermont Country Store. This is a very large store that sells mostly “retro” everything. I was aware of the store because several spanking bloggers have mentioned the Vermont Country Store bath brush as a spanking implement, and even pictured in their blog. I had checked the Vermont Country Store web site several times but no bath brush was listed for sale. It had apparently been discontinued. However, walking through the store I saw one hanging on the wall. I showed my wife and asked her if I could buy it. She just rolled her eyes, but said I could. She knew exactly what I was thinking. The store clerk probably knew what I was thinking, as well. She had a little smirk on her face when we checked out. My guess is that that brush is rarely used as a bath brush, and the Vermont Country Store people know it. In any case, the purchase gave a not-so-subtle hint to my wife that my interest in having her spank me was alive and well.
Panties were still an undercurrent in my spanking fantasies. I searched the web for something suitable and initially came upon a site for men that sold rather nice underwear. The underwear was distinctively male but had a lingerie look to it. It was also very expensive Italian lingerie. I bought a few pairs and showed them to my wife explaining that this underwear was essentially lingerie for men (note the fuller cut), and we could use these as “punishment panties” (hint, hint). She looked at me as if to say “You are crazy!” But, I think I had beaten her down and she agreed to spank me on Saturday morning in my new “punishment panties.” She stuck to her promise and carried out the ritual as best she could. Saturday morning she told me to dress in my punishment panties, and do some corner time. Then she put me over her lap, bared my bottom and gave me a tentative spanking with the bath brush (Actually that bath brush does hurt!). We were on our way, or so I hoped.
Since that time I have found several sites that sell men’s panties, and much less expensively than the Italian site. I have quite a collection now, but they are seldom used. I had hoped my wife would make me wear them all day in anticipation of a spanking, but she doesn’t seem to want to do that. (What if you were in a car wreck?). I find that my desire to wear the panties increases as my desire for a spanking intensifies. And, occasionally I do sneak them on and wear them all day. My hope is that my wife will catch me wearing them without her permission and give me a spanking.
So, why my obsession with panties and what is the relationship to spanking? For me, panties increase the naughtiness factor by at least a factor of two. I have always had a prurient interest in panties, and I feel very naughty in sort of a delicious when I wear them.
Some women object to the idea of forced feminization of the male for humiliation with the argument, “Why should being feminine be humiliating?” I don’t view wearing panties as primarily a humiliation ritual (although, there is a bit of humiliation present for reasons I’ll discuss below), but value the practice for its symbolic nature. As a symbol during a spanking, my wife “making” me wear panties says to me, “For the duration of this ritual, my femininity trumps your masculinity and I am in control. It’s like the scissors-cloth-stones game we played as children, where scissors trump, or cut cloth, cloth trumps, or covers stones and stones trump, or break scissors. Her feminine cloth trumps my stones, so to speak. It might be better if they were her panties, but the symbol is there, and I have to do the best I can.
Finally, because my wife thinks that wearing panties, even male Italian lingerie, is a bit silly, wearing them does throw a little humiliation into the mix. The humiliation exists by virtue of my wife’s attitude, not because she or I view femininity to be a lesser quality than masculinity. I find that on the occasions that I do wear them all day, I try to avoid her having knowledge of it. I put them on out of her sight and I undress out of her sight. Even though I know she knows I have them and wear them occasionally, I’m slightly embarrassed by the fact.
I had suggested to her that I should ask her permission to wear them, but she has never been too interested in that game. I know, if I wear them secretly, that she will find them in the laundry basket latter in the week, and I continue to hope she will use it as a foil for a spanking. “Throck! I see you wore your punishment panties without my permission. You can just go put these right back on and go to the corner. You’re going to get a sound spanking with my bath brush!” That is the fantasy I have while wearing them anyway.
There is a very fine line that one walks in using special clothing in a submission ritual. In no way should the ritual become perverse in the mind of either participant. The participants must be aware of the symbolism of the clothing and although there may be elements of humiliation for the duration of the ritual, the mutual respect the participants have for each other should not be compromised. So this is a bit of a dilemma with me and punishment panties, but so far C has, I think, accepted it for what it is.

In any case, I believe using special clothing in the submission ritual enhances the “naughtiness” factor significantly. This, I believe, is true regardless of the gender of the spankee. I have read about female spankees desiring to wear special “little girl” pajamas or schoolgirl uniforms. Since with many spanking couples, the reasons for a spanking, even a discipline spanking, are contrived, I believe anything that can be done to enhance the naughtiness factor and the symbolism within the ritual, ultimately adds value to the spanking.
Well, the above long-winded ramble is my rationalization for wearing punishment panties. But, who knows, maybe I’m just a cross dresser.