Friday, August 28, 2009

The Concept of Spanking

Virtually everyone in the adult spanking community agrees that spanking is not a good idea for children. Now, anecdotal evidence suggests that the spanking community has an age distribution that is heavily weighted to the over forty side, maybe even over fifty. These people grew up when spanking children was not unusual, although many claim they were never spanked.
I recall that during my time in junior high school and high school, in the fifties and sixties, every gym coach had a paddle, and would certainly not hesitate to use it on bad boys. I witnessed many a “bad boy” paddling in my teen years (I assume that there may have been “bad girls” too, but I never witnessed one getting spanked).
Indeed, I taught in a middle school myself in the late sixties, and although I never used it, there was a paddle hanging by the door of every classroom, and it served as a warning to any child who might step out of line. Yes, this was in the late sixties! Looking back on that time, I find it hard to believe that any parent would abdicate that much authority to a teacher, and particularly a teacher of eleven to fourteen year old children.
The protocol at the time was that, whenever a child was spanked, there had to be another adult witness, presumably to insure that there was no abuse (Can you believe it? It’s true!). The teacher in the room next door to me was quite the spanker, and I was called into the hall on many occasions to witness a spanking. I don’t recall that I witnessed any girls being spanked (the teacher next door was male, and I can’t recall if there were rules about spanking female students), but I saw many a boy’s bottom blistered. The paddles that were used were wicked things as well. They were heavy and had holes drilled in them. It still amazes me that these paddles were actually issued by the school. I don’t know who made the paddles, probably the shop teacher or perhaps even the children themselves as a “project.” It surprises me that I didn’t find the whole activity perverse at the time.
Now, the point is that almost everyone over forty probably has had some experience with spanking. If they did not experience the physical act personally, it is very likely they observed it. The question is does that experience have any bearing on the fact that there are so many spankaphiles over the age of forty? Or is the fact that we seem to be an older crowd, only a consequence of the fact that we have the confidence to “come out” to our partner.
Assume for the moment that all spanking of children ceased. Would we, in that case, have any knowledge of spanking? Would spankaphiles still exist? Is the concept of spanking something that is woven into the mental cloth of the human animal? If we had never experienced or witnessed a spanking as a child, would we still have the desire to be slapped on the bottom by our lover? Is pain associated with loving something all humans need, and if so would that imply all people are spankaphiles on some level?
I sure would like some answers to these questions.
Artist: Sardax, from the T.A.K.S.A. Yahoo Group

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Bonding Rush

What I would like to know is, does anyone else experience what I call a “bonding rush” after a spanking? I described it in the post on my last spanking as an incredible feeling of closeness to, warmth for, and dependence on C. Actually, it is even more than that, but that is as close as I can come to a description. It is basically what drove me to blog.

I have experienced the bonding rush in my last three spankings and very strongly in my last two. Perhaps not so strongly in earlier spankings, when my wife was a bit more tentative about spanking. There were long intervals of time between the earlier spankings I received. Consequently, my memory may have faded a bit. I certainly enjoyed those earlier spankings, but I don’t remember the strong rush of emotion after they were over. Is the rush the result of as yet some unidentified mental change in me, or a change in C’s technique of spanking me, or something else entirely?

I wonder if the bonding experience has anything to do with the intensity of the spanking, and whether in the future I will have to endure harder and harder spankings to have the experience. My last spanking may have pushed my limits a bit. I actually want C to push my limits, but I know if I break down in any way that causes her concern, she will stop spanking me. I certainly don’t want that to happen.

In any case, the questions are:

Do other spankees experience the “bonding rush,” or some similar emotion, after a spanking?

Is the rush related to some psychological interaction between spanker and spankee or,

Is the rush related to the intensity of the spanking?

As one becomes a more seasoned spankee, do you continue to experience the bonding rush?

As one becomes a more seasoned spankee, do spankings have to become more intense to continue to experience the bonding rush?

Artist: Jay Em

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Mastering the Art of a Splendid Spanking

After my spanking on Friday night, I felt like I should do something for my wife to show my appreciation. Now, I’m not much of a movie buff, but my wife loves movies, so I offered to take her to a movie. She chose Julie & Julia, a movie with vignettes of Julia Child’s life interwoven with the life of a woman who tries to cook all of the recipes in “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” and blogs about it. It was a cute movie if not a great one.

On our way home I said, “I should write a blog.”

“Not on spanking,” was C's immediate reply. I’ll have to come clean to her one day.

I then began to think someone should write a recipe book for spankings. Then someone could “bedroom test” all the recipes and blog about it. What would one title such a book? How about “Mastering the Art of a Splendid Spanking,” or, of course, “The Joy of Spanking” comes to mind. There would be sections:

Appetizers: Erotic Spankings

Soups and Salads: Stress Relief Spankings

Main Courses: Punishment Spankings

Deserts: Play Spankings

The book would of course include discussions of the ingredients of a good spanking: the spankee, the spanker, positions, spanker/spankee dialogue. Then there could be pictures, diagrams and discussion of spanking equipment: wooden spoons, spatulas, brushes, crops, canes, whips, benches and so on. And, no book would be complete without a discourse on spices and garnishes: special clothing (punishment panties), restraints, toys, insertables (ginger fig, anyone?), and pervertables.

How about the recipes?

How to Bake a Beautiful Bottom

Place spankee in corner wrapped only in punishment panties, and allow to come to room temperature.

Arrange spankee over lap and add:

1 tablespoon of love (I love you and I’m doing this for your own good).

1 teaspoon of chastisement (You are a very naughty boy, and you will receive a very hard spanking.)

A pinch of humiliation (What pretty punishment panties, but they will have to come down. Naughty boys must be spanked on their bare bottoms).

Whip for thirty strokes with a spatula.

Allow bottom to rest for one minute and observe development of a rosy pink color.

Whip with a wooden spoon another ten strokes.

Return Spankee to the corner and add ½ teaspoon of humiliation (panties down).

After fifteen minutes, rub bottom with lotion.

Place Spankee in bed and cuddle until libido rises to the appropriate level.

Serve with a cheeky red Bordeaux, or rose.

A book containing 365 recipes would be about the right length, I think. One could then blog about a spanking a day. Wouldn’t that be delicious!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Friday Spanking

I think I may be seeing the benefit of blogging. It led to a spanking Friday night.

I have not revealed the blog to my wife yet. But I did send her a copy of my latest post on submission rituals. She was working at home on Friday instead in one of her satellite offices, and I decided to email her a copy of the post. I attached the file to the email, screwed up my courage, and punched send. I went back to work fully expecting to get a phone call asking, "What in world were you thinking, sending me something like that?" I didn't get one. Maybe she hadn't read it.

We were meeting for lunch at noon. When I got to the restaurant, the first thing she said was, "I got your email this morning."

"Did you read it?" I said with a little trepidation.

"Yes!" she said with a smile. "It was good. Why and when did you write it?"

"Oh, I wrote it earlier this week. I was going to post it as a comment on one of the blogs I read, but it got a little long," I lied.

"So, you were surfing the 'naughty sites' at work?"

"I guess so," I said, a bit embarrassed. "Things have been slow at work this week."

"Hmmm," was her only reply. She turned to her menu and didn't mention the subject again.

The fact that C hadn't upbraided me for the post, and also mentioned that she had thought it was good was encouraging to me. Perhaps she would begin to understand the need I have to perform these submission rituals.

That evening we were in the den watching TV. She was sitting in her leather recliner. She looked at me and said, "You know, you are going to have to be punished for surfing the 'naughty sites' at work."

"Yes," I said, hanging my head. My heart started racing.

"Go to my bedroom and put on your turquoise punishment panties and come back out here and give me a foot rub."

Wow! I didn't even know she knew I had turquoise "punishment panties."

I returned to the den dressed as she had ordered, and knelt on the floor in front of her and began to give her a foot rub. Now, as it turns out, my wife likes to have her toes kissed. More to the point, she likes to have her toes sucked on (she will kill me if she ever reads this).

I discovered this accidentally, and quite recently. My wife and daughter had been traveling and during the trip had treated themselves to a pedicure. I was giving her a foot rub shortly after her return when I commented how nice her toes looked and gave them a small kiss. She simply smiled at me and sighed. I decided to be a little bolder and give her big toe a French kiss. So I took the whole toe in my mouth. I expected to hear, "What in the world are you doing? Stop that right now!"

All I heard was "hmmmm!"

I became bolder and began to kiss, suck and lick all of her toes, first on one foot and then the other. Her sighs made it clear that she was enjoying the attention.

"You like this, don't you?"

"Oh yes!" she sighed.

Now, I found it extraordinary that C loved the attention I was paying to her toes. She is very ambivalent to oral/genital sex. Maybe I’m no good at it; maybe it has something to do with hygiene. I don’t know. But she loved having her toes attended to. And I loved doing it.

What a wonderful submission ritual. There I was, under sentence of a spanking, kneeling at C’s feet in my punishment panties, paying homage to her toes.

After fifteen or twenty minutes of foot rub and toe worship she finally said, “It’s time for bed. Go to my room and wait in the corner until I call you.”

I did as I was told. C got ready for bed, came into the bedroom and said, “It’s time. Bring me the strap.”

“You’re not going to put me over your lap for the bath brush?” I hinted. I really wanted to be across her lap even though I know it is bad form to “top from the bottom.”

“You will be across my lap, but I’m going to use the strap on you. Be quick about it now and let’s get this over with.”

I brought her the strap (It was only the third time she had used it on me). She sat on the ottoman and said, “Over my knee now.” I draped myself across her lap.

“What pretty blue panties,” she teased. “But, they will have to come down. Boys who surf ‘naughty sites’ have to have bare bottom spankings.” With those words she lowered my panties and began to spank me with the strap.

I don’t know how many strokes she gave me, but the pain was becoming intense. I was crying out with each stroke and desperately holding on to the legs of the ottoman and desperately trying not to squirm and kick too much. She paused for a moment to say something to me. I didn’t catch what she said, but I thought the spanking might be over. Wrong! She began again, and I started to wonder if I would break. After about ten more strokes, I got relief.

“It’s over. Get up and come to bed. You can wear your punishment panties the rest of the night.”

I got into bed and cuddled up close to C, and that is when I experienced my bonding rush. It is an incredible feeling of closeness to, warmth for, and dependence on C. That is why I crave her spankings. I am not sure why I have this experience but it is very real and wonderful!

I’m very excited that C played this so well. This is only my eighth spanking in about two and a half years since I came out to C as a spankaphile. However, I have had three of those eight spankings in the last month and a half, and they get better every time. I am hopeful that this relationship is moving forward, and that C is getting something out of it as well.

Artist: Puyal

Thursday, August 20, 2009

A Submission Ritual

I have given a great deal of thought to why I want my wife to discipline me by spanking me. I truly want her to give me a spanking that hurts for some perceived infraction of “her rules,” or something I do that annoys her.

My wife and I have been married a very long time. In fact we have a very good vanilla marriage. I probably appear to be very vanilla. No one on the outside would really suspect this “kink” I have. At least I don’t think so. But I do have this very real desire to be spanked by my wife. So, where does this desire of mine come from, and is it just a kink, or is there something more to it? To help explain my desire for this activity, I have come up with a model that I call the “Submission Ritual” model. I will try to explain it below.

My wife and I, I feel, are equal partners in our marriage. We are both well educated professionals with long careers and we work together to solve the normal domestic problems, finances, children, etc. I do all the normal “male” chores, cutting grass, fixing what I can fix around the house, as well as some that are typically thought of as female, cooking, grocery shopping, some house cleaning. I don’t do these chores because my wife demands this of me by virtue of my position in the relationship; it is just the way our relationship has evolved. I like to cook and have always been interested in food. My wife takes more of a utilitarian approach to food but is always very appreciative of the meals I prepare for her. Since I cook it is logical that I do the grocery shopping. My wife works at home a lot, so I try to help out with the cleaning. That is not such an onerous chore since we are fortunate enough to have someone come in and clean a few times a week. The one chore she does not let me do is the laundry, since I have bungled it several times (should have gotten a spanking), and she is very particular about her clothes.

The one job I don’t like, and think is a major waste of time, is cutting grass. I’ve had a hard time finding someone reliable to do it for me. We have a fairly large yard with lots of ornamental trees, and it takes several hours to cut. But, my wife loves to see a nice green, freshly mowed lawn so I try to make sure it is cut every five to seven days. I often look at myself, and think of myself as a stealth submissive. But the point is I like to do things for my wife. I don’t feel that she is taking advantage of me or doming me, and she is no slacker herself; it is simply the way our relationship has evolved, and I like it. She wakes up every Saturday morning and says “Do you have a plan?” I know that she has a plan and I usually defer to it if possible. My wife does not see me as submissive at all.

And there is the problem. I need a submission ritual. Early in our marriage, I recognized some desire for submission. I think many young males have fantasies about being dommed in bed occasionally. Sexual intercourse is most often practiced as a female submissive ritual. Although it need not be that way it is convenient. I need a very definite submission ritual to indicate to my wife in a symbolic, physical and sexual way that she is a very important person to me. To me, intercourse feels more like I am taking instead of giving. I feel I need that physical submission ritual to bond with my wife.

Why spanking? Certainly spanking is discredited as a form of discipline for children. That is because the appropriate discipline model is rarely applied. Children are generally spanked because the parent is at their wits end with the child and they “lose it,” so to speak. It accomplishes nothing and may do damage.

The appropriate discipline model is: I am the authority figure that loves you and is responsible for your proper behavioral development. You have behaved badly, and you have to understand there are consequences for bad behavior. I want you to think about your behavior and how you can improve it. We will discuss it, and then the consequence for you is that you will be punished with a spanking.

This discipline model, I think, works really well in an adult submission ritual between partners. Spanking is an intimate, in some sense sexual, activity with the spankee naked or partially naked, draped across the lap of his partner. Based on the above discipline model, the ritual involves authority, love and a touch of contrition/humiliation for the spankee. But the best part of the spanking submission ritual is that the pain of the spanking gives the ritual reality. Everything else that goes with spanking, anticipation, corner time, special clothing, etc., is icing. Every spankee knows, whether he likes it or not, that the pain of the spanking is what gives the ritual concreteness, and that, lacking, would negate the whole process.

The submission ritual model then provides a general model that, between loving partners:
Acknowledges the authority of one partner over the other (at least for the duration of the ritual).
Expresses the love of the authority figure for the submissive partner.
Expresses humility in love of the submissive partner before the authority figure.
Has sexual elements (since it is conducted in the context of a sexual relationship).
Has elements that create reality for the ritual (for example the pain of a spanking).
Ideally, creates a bonding experience between partners as a result of the activity.
The activities the submission ritual model covers could range from wedding vows, to giving your partner a foot rub on demand, to spanking, to much more intense activities. Spanking seems to be a popular submission ritual because it is easily implemented, easily embellished and provides just enough physical sensation to make it real. Intercourse may or may not have all of the components of the submission ritual. That will depend in part on the attitudes of the participants. Furthermore, pain may accentuate reality better than orgasmic pleasure which seems to me to tend more toward the surreal. In any case, my preference is for spanking since I regard intercourse as basically “female submissive,” and making it otherwise might not be particularly convenient or palatable for my wife.

My need for the submission ritual seems to intensify with time, even exponentially since I have had a taste of it now. As I said above I had indications of the need as a younger man. Over the years I hinted about it to my wife without much success. Then finally, several years ago, I “outed” myself to my wife very explicitly. I don’t know if this is the experience of many other F/M spankaphiles, but I have noticed in browsing spanking and F/M groups and blogs that many of the F/M males who engage in spanking are over fifty. I can only surmise that these are men who are confidant enough in their relationship to ask there partners to practice submission rituals with them, spanking as well as other submission rituals in some cases. Their masculinity is not threatened by their desire for such rituals, but rather their desire has grown and intensified over time in a stable and loving relationship with their partner. Furthermore their desire arises from a need to give to their partner some concrete symbol of their submission in love. This is an exchange process in some sense. As my wife submits to me in love I offer myself in submission. When I submit in this way to my wife I experience a bonding sensation that I don’t completely understand but is definitely there. I believe there is a real need for submission rituals in any good long term relationship, and, in fact, I think they always exist between partners, although they may not manifest as a spanking submission ritual.

The problem is to convince my wife that this means more to me than just a silly sex game we play. Of course, when I came out to my wife I created a spanking ritual and couched it as a game, which may have been an error on my part. There can be a play aspect to it, but I would, nevertheless, like her to take it seriously and initiate the ritual as needed, which is frequently. The second problem is that I am still taking in a sense, or, phrased as a question, “Am I taking more than I’m giving?” I am afraid I may be. I may be the only one that feels the bonding rush. I have difficulty gagging her feelings on this. In my mind, I am giving something both physical and symbolic to her, a physical and symbolic acknowledgment that she is so important to me that I am willing to submit to her authority and her humiliating and painful punishment. However, my wife may not particularly want that physical/symbolic gift.

My hope is that my wife will one day understand the depth of my feeling, and will get something out of the ritual herself. I love my wife and I love her firm but loving discipline.
(artist: Sardax, from T.A.K.S.A. Yahoo Group)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Is Spankaphilia a Syndrome

From Wikipedia:

In medicine and psychology, the term syndrome refers to the association of several clinically recognizable features, signs (observed by a physician), symptoms (reported by the patient), phenomena or characteristics that often occur together, so that the presence of one feature alerts the physician to the presence of the others. In recent decades the term has been used outside of medicine to refer to a combination of phenomena seen in association.

I have noted in my blog surfing that the male spankees in F/M relationships often share an interest in a constellation of activities that are ancillary to the primary spanking activity. Chief among these is the wearing of feminine panties as part of their spanking activity. Somewhat less common, in those whose primary focus is on spanking, is a proclivity toward anal activities such as punishment enemas and strap-on sex. I am curious then as to whether, given the above definition, F/m spankaphilia is a syndrome with anal and crossdressing elements having broad variation in expression.

If indeed F/M spankaphilia is a syndrome, then is there some genetic profile that male spankophiles have in common? Such a genetic disposition to spanking submission and humiliation would probably display a wide spectrum of variation as reflected in the intensity of pain and humiliation the individual would require in order to have his needs met. We observe this very phenomenon on F/M spanking blogs, Femdom blogs and groups. In the blogs and groups, however, it is often difficult to sort out what is fact and fiction.

In any case are there associated attributes that might allow one to recognize a fellow F/M spanko? I myself have the “syndrome” attributes and I have often wondered if my father had them and if my son would inherit them. I always viewed my father as m somewhat submissive to my mother. Consequently, I have always wondered whether I have inherited spankaphilia or whether something in my early childhood triggered it. I am also curious how the syndrome expresses itself. That is, which of the activities is more important and in what order in time do they express themselves. I can put a definite lower bound on my spanking interest at my late twenties, although there may have been earlier interest. However, I can put a lower bound on my interest in panties and anal activities at a much earlier age between five and eight. That because I remember participating in such activities with a friend when I lived in the very first house I can remember, and I moved from that house when I was eight years old.

Interestingly, I remember two unpleasant “anal events” at a very young age. I’m not sure of the order, but in one case I was in a Catholic hospital to have my tonsils removed when I was five or six. In those days that demanded a two or three day stay in the hospital. The nurses were mostly nuns dressed in the habit of their order. They would come around three or four times a day to take my temperature rectally. I did not like it, and I complained to my mother about it. It didn’t hurt, but I must have found it humiliating. My mother said there was nothing she could do about it; that was the way they took a child's temperature in the hospital. So I had to endure the humiliation.

The second event was an enema I received sometime around the time I was six. My parents had taken me to the doctor for something; I can’t remember what. After the doctor examined me, the nurse took me back to the waiting room while my parents consulted with him. I remember not having a good feeling about what was going on. On the drive home I asked my parents what the doctor had said and they seemed reluctant to tell me. Finally my mother told me that the doctor said I needed an enema and they would give me one when we got home. I began to protest immediately. I don’t really know how I knew what an enema was. I remember no prior event. I was given a fairly large volume enema (for a child) with a fountain syringe and I made a terrible scene. I also remember that it hurt.

Strangely then, I developed an interest in “playing doctor” with a friend of mine. I would sneak the Vaseline and the child enema syringe into my room and we would use Tinker Toy sticks as rectal thermometers and also insert the enema syringe (no water). I also remember talking to a much older girl (a teenager) and her mother who were neighbors, when enemas briefly came up. I don’t remember the context but, I found it strangely erotic to talk to this teenage girl about enemas. From that time on I have been hooked on anal insertions.

Thus are the origins of my anal eroticism. Unfortunately, my wife has a tremendous aversion anal play, so that part of my syndrome does not come into play in my submission rituals. The panties are another story, and I will discuss them in a latter post.

So is the spankaphile syndrome nature or nurture? I don’t really understand the theory that claims that we eroticize unpleasant events. It makes more sense to me that we are genetically programmed to enjoy certain activities at some level. Perhaps I would have enjoyed those activities if it were not for the traumatic circumstances under which they were performed. Finally, are there other symptoms associated with the syndrome that are more overt and that might out the spankaphile? These are questions that seem to remain unanswered.

Monday, August 17, 2009

My Last Spanking

I live in a rather vanilla marriage that I am trying to move more toward Female led. I am a bit of a stealth submissive to my professional wife of over thirty years. I finally "came out" to my wife a few years ago but it hasn't been completely satisfactory. My wife thinks more of my desire for submission and discipline as a sexual game, if not just an out and out fetish. She will spank me occasionally, but I usually have to give her a fairly strong hint that I need a spanking.

In fact, I was spanked last week after I indicated that I probably deserved some discipline. She picked up on this saying, "Yes, indeed, you masturbated the other night without my permission or help, jiggled the bed, and woke me up in the middle of the night. You know I don't like that." It was true, and I was a little embarrassed as I did not realize she had waked up. Unfortunately, I did not get a promise of the spanking I desired. The conversation took place during breakfast and she simply dropped the subject, as she does so often when I get up the nerve to discuss our relationship. It can be very frustrating.

That night I was cooking dinner (I do all the cooking, grocery shopping, etc.), and was surprised when my wife came in and exclaimed, "You have had a number of transgressions this week including waking me up in the middle of the night masturbating without permission. You will have to have a spanking before bed tonight. Go to my room and put on your hottest pink punishment panties. You can wear those the rest of the evening to remind you what is in store for you."

Wow! I did as she said and continued to fix dinner. We ate, and I cleaned up the kitchen. She was going to clean up the kitchen because she doesn't see me as a submissive, but I insisted on doing it. So she went to the den to watch some TV. I thought to myself that I needed to take this opportunity to advance our relationship, but I was nervous about possibly turning her off.

In any case, I finished the cleanup in the kitchen and went to the den and began to rub her feet. She loves a foot rub. I, unfortunately, am not very articulate when I talk to my wife about relationship issues, but I decided to give it a try. I tried to explain to her that this was a bit more than a game to me and I really needed her discipline. She seemed more or less disinterested.

When she decided to go to bed she told me to go to her room and strip to my punishment panties, and wait in the corner until she was ready for bed and she called me. About fifteen minutes later she came into the bedroom and told me to bring her the leather strap. I had purchased the strap over a year ago and she had only used it on me once, briefly.

I brought her the strap. She took it, and then had me position myself across the ottoman that is in the bedroom. She scolded me, and then lowered my panties and gave me thirty good strokes with the strap. They hurt. We then went to bed, me still in my punishment panties. I felt strangely bonded to her by that experience. I kept my panties on and simply cuddled with her all night.

My wife, I’m sure, does this as a game. She loves me and will do some things for me that she is not particularly interested in doing, precisely because she loves me. I don’t think she experiences the spiritual or bonding aspect of spanking that I do. Furthermore, I’m not sure I understand what brings out such feelings in me. In any case, I know it is something very real and meaningful to me and I wish she could get more out of it. Or maybe I’m over analyzing spanking; maybe it’s just fun.

(Artist: Puyal?)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Marriage Conselor

In the first few months of our marriage I made an insensitive comment to my wife that convinced her that we were headed for divorce. She insisted that we see a marriage counselor. Although I was not concerned about our marriage, and I didn't really want to see a counselor, I did so out of penance.

The counselor would talk to us jointly and then separately. When I was alone with the counselor she asked me what I wanted out of marriage, and I thought to myself " I really want my wife to spank me and be dominant," but, being a twenties something male I couldn't overcome my embarrassment and say it.

To my way of thinking, the only two things came out of the counseling sessions. My wife was mollified (which was important), and I, many years later, have been able to date my interest in being spanked to my mid twenties. My interest in spanking and other kinks probably predated that counseling event but, I have no way of putting my finger on an earlier date.

One of the reasons I married my wife is because I thought she was a "take-charge" person and I thought she would easily evolve into a woman who would be dominant on some level. I was probably very unclear what level that would be or exactly what I wanted, but I thought that whatever it was it would not be too hard to achieve. I was wrong! My wife turned out to be extremely vanilla with very traditional concepts about the roles partners played within a marriage.

Now, my marriage has been a very good one. However, there has been an underlying frustration, and in some ways an emptiness due to the fact that my wife, though she loves me, does not recognize this need I have for her discipline. I have to admit that I don't understand the need very well myself. However, I know that I want to be lovingly but seriously spanked by my wife, with some frequency, for minor irritations and infractions. My wife thinks this is silly, although, she will humor me from time to time and give me a rather tentative spanking, if I ask. To my wife this is a game. For me it goes a bit beyond a game. I know for me there is a sexual aspect to this, although, sex has not always been associated with the few spankings that I have received. I think that it is alright that the anticipation of a spanking triggers sexual feelings, since marriage is a sexual relationship. The unfortunate thing is that I don't think my wife gets much out of spanking me, either sexual or otherwise. The problem to be solved is how to make spanking me more meaningful and beneficial for my wife.

Perhaps I should go back to that marriage counselor!

(Artist: Barbara O'toole)