Coming Clean

I told C about my blog last night. I had had a good day that turned sour after I got home and I tried to resolve an insurance issue over the phone. I told C that I didn’t feel like cooking, and we should go to a restaurant. My attitude didn’t improve much at the restaurant, and I just picked at my food.

C said, “Don’t worry, this thing will get resolved. And, I will make you feel better. I’ll spank you.”

Oh! My favorite subject. I don’t know what made me do it but I just said, “You know, C, I have a spanking blog.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding!”

“No, I’ve had it for a couple of months. I’ll show it to you when we get home.”

“Not tonight,” said C.

When we got home I offered again to show C my blog, but she declined. However, she didn’t seem too distressed at the knowledge I had started a blog dealing with my thoughts on spanking. It is actually fine with me if she never reads it. Reading it might stress her out. I feel much better that she knows about the Blog; I don’t like keeping secrets from C.

I just love C. Her one statement at the restaurant was like a flash of sunshine illuminating the fact that she understands me, and acknowledges the dependence I have on her.

I haven’t gotten the spanking she promised me, yet. I suppose it would fall into the category of a stress relief spanking. I’ve never experienced one of those.

Artist: unknown (Jay Em?), from T.A.K.S.A Yahoo Group

Control

I really don’t like to ask for a spanking, but as my need intensifies I do. The spanking submission ritual is greatly enhanced if C controls it from beginning to end. In part, it is C’s control I crave as well as the bonding rush that follows. The control actually extends beyond the spanking. I don’t think C recognizes this yet, but I do.

I have read comments by other bloggers in F/M discipline relationships that spanking solves problems, clears the air and provides benefits to the wife in the form of a well behaved, obedient and helpful husband. I have always been skeptical of such claims.

In particular, in our relationship, “problems” are basically contrived to provide a foil for a ritual spanking. C would never use a spanking to solve a real relationship problem (at least I don’t think she would at this point in time, although I would probably submit to that). Consequently, the benefit of a well behaved, obedient and helpful husband should not necessarily be the result of C spanking me. However, I have noted that my recent spankings may be the cause that has produced that very effect.

I’ll give an example. I received a mind blowing spanking on Friday, almost two weeks ago. I basked in the glow of it all weekend which was fortunate because there was no glow from the sun. It rained all weekend. As a result of the rain, I couldn’t cut the grass (which didn’t hurt my feelings at all). However, about the middle of the week C said, “You know, it’s supposed to rain again this coming weekend. Do you think you should cut the grass after work tomorrow?” As I have mentioned in the past, C loves to look out at a freshly mowed lawn. Now, normally the last thing I would want to do is cut the grass after work, and since the days are getting shorter, I would have to spend two evenings after work to get it done. But, I did it. It surprised me, but I did it with the complete knowledge that I was cutting the grass to curry C’s pleasure and as a result of her control vis-à-vis the spanking she had given me the previous Friday.

It took Thursday and Friday evening to cut all the grass. After cutting the grass Friday, I came in and cooked dinner, and because C was busy with something she was interested in I told her I would clean up the kitchen as well. C often helps with that or does it herself on the grounds that she wants me to exercise on the treadmill after dinner.

The next morning we were lying in bed and C was having her coffee and reading the paper. C said, “I’m sorry I was such a slug last night.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you cut the grass, cooked dinner, and cleaned up the kitchen, and I did nothing. I feel guilty.”

“Don’t. I like to do things for you. I like to submit to your desires, and I like it that you allow me to demonstrate my submission by spanking me. That’s why you got your grass cut during the week.”

“You’re too sweet to spank,” said C, patting me on the bottom.

Well, I keep trying, but what am I going to do. I still don’t think C fully gets it. I started back on my diet and exercise program this week because I know C wants me to. I had lost twenty pounds earlier in the year, but have gained ten pounds back (should have gotten a spanking for that!). I’m beginning to love and even need her control, and she seems to be oblivious to it. Perhaps in a few months I’ll look better in my punishment panties.

Photo: from Naughty_Husband Yahoo Group

The Rational for Special Clothing in the Submission Ritual

I don’t consider myself a cross dresser, but our spanking ritual is embellished with “punishment panties.” I wear feminine panties prior to and during my spanking and afterward around my knees for corner time (assuming I get corner time afterward). Now, this seems to be a fairly common ritual in the F/M spanking community. As many as thirty percent of the F/M spanking bloggers mention the use of panties in their rituals, and it is very common to see mention in the F/M groups.

I, for one, have always had an interest in women’s underwear and I think this is not an uncommon interest among men. As examples of this interest, consider college panty raids and the great popularity of Victoria’s Secret fashion shows among males.

I can trace my interest in women’s underwear to a very early age. In the fifties everyone had a Sears and Roebuck catalogue, and I had an interest in three sections of the book: the toys section, the home health aids section and the women’s and girl’s underwear section. This was not exactly a Victoria’s Secret catalogue but there were models, women and girls, in their underwear. I knew, perhaps instinctively, that girl’s panties covered something quite different from what my underwear covered and I was fascinated by what it might be. I also felt that I should not be looking at that section of the catalogue and that I would be quite embarrassed if my mother found me out. There was guilt associated with having prurient interest in women’s underwear. I was very young, maybe five or six when I started doing this.

When I was about the same age, I taught myself a crude form of masturbation. People seem to doubt that fact, but it is true. When I would masturbate, I would fantasize about Cynthia in nothing but panties. I would fantasize about what those panties covered. I didn’t know. Believe it or not, if I was lucky, I would have a little tickling orgasm while fantasizing about Cynthia. At six, I was in love with Cynthia and, in my fantasies, her panties.

I grew up, and went to college. In the sixties college boys engaged in a pastime that, in the south, we called “shooting squirrels.” The term referred to catching a sneak peak up a woman’s skirt to see her panties and then fantasizing about the delicious part of her anatomy that the panties covered. In those days all college women were required to wear dresses in public by male chauvinist college administrators and their persimmon lipped matron minions, usually deans of women students. The squirrel-shooting activity was often best accomplished in the library where, on the pretense of studying, one would take a seat at a library table facing a girl one table over. Skirts were getting shorter in the sixties, and if one were lucky, one could get a good view of a lovely pair of panties covering the object of all men’s desire. Occasionally, the young woman would accommodate you by opening her legs a bit, giving you and enhanced view. I loved this activity and I always wondered what it would feel like to be encased in a pair of those lacy or satiny under things.

I had a very unconventional roommate in college. He was extremely heterosexual, masculine and girls loved him, but in many ways he was on the fringe; he still is. He loved silk, and somewhere he found out how to order silk underwear. These were silk briefs and bikini briefs in fuchsia, pink, burgundy and baby blue. He wore them without compunction, and I chided him for being a bit strange. Secretly, I really wanted to wear them myself, but my twenty year old macho personality wouldn’t allow it at the time.

I eventually married a lovely woman who was tall and slender and beautiful and looked wonderful in lingerie. She is still my wife today. I loved to sneak into her lingerie drawers and I eventually got up the nerve to go into lingerie stores and buy her panties and nightgowns and things. If the sales staff thought I was a cross dresser, they didn’t say anything and generally were quite helpful. I don't think I was a cross dresser, but occasionally, if my wife went out of town on business I would try on a pair of her lace or satin panties. They felt great. However, I didn’t risk wearing them too long and there was always the risk of stretching them. When I did wear them, I felt extremely naughty in a delicious sort of way, rather like I felt when I would look at the girl models in their panties in the Sears and Roebuck catalogue. The old guilt feelings were there as well.

All this time my interest in spanking was developing and growing stronger. One day I came across a paperback book in one of the large chain bookstores titled “Submissions” by Grant Andrews. It was simply in with the fiction books. At the time, I don’t think the large bookstores had erotic or pornographic sections. The book was a fairly well written Femdom novel about one man’s submission to a group of dominant women that he had assembled in a special secluded home he built in order to live a 24/7 Femdom lifestyle. In that novel, I was introduced to the concept of “punishment panties” and it fascinated and titillated me. The protagonist was made to wear special punishment panties for all of his frequent punishments.

As the web developed and more F/M spanking forums and blogs came on line I began to realize that the concept of punishment panties was not uncommon among F/M males, or female dominants for that matter. I incorporated the idea into my spanking fantasies.

When I finally came out to my wife about my interest in having her discipline me, it was incumbent on me to develop a spanking ritual (she would have had no concept of a spanking ritual). I had a pair of punishment panties available in the form of a black male thong that my wife and daughters had bought me one year as a gag gift for Christmas. I explained to her that when she disciplined me, she should make me wear nothing but the punishment panties, do corner time, etc, etc. My wife took all this in, but with a look of great disbelief. Then I made the first great error in my planned adventure into spanko life. I told my wife that, really, my punishment panties should be a pair of her panties, and that I had occasionally tried some of them on when she went out of town.

Now, my wife has always known that I’m a little kinky, but this apparently went over the line. She told me that under no circumstances was she going to put me in her panties, and that I was to absolutely stay away from her underwear. Furthermore, she thought this whole thing was nuts! End of spanking adventure.

A number of months went by and my desire to be spanked by my wife did not subside. I had always wished that the spanking ritual would come naturally to her, but it didn’t and probably never would.

We live in the Northeast and one weekend we were driving through Vermont and came upon the Vermont Country Store. This is a very large store that sells mostly “retro” everything. I was aware of the store because several spanking bloggers have mentioned the Vermont Country Store bath brush as a spanking implement, and even pictured in their blog. I had checked the Vermont Country Store web site several times but no bath brush was listed for sale. It had apparently been discontinued. However, walking through the store I saw one hanging on the wall. I showed my wife and asked her if I could buy it. She just rolled her eyes, but said I could. She knew exactly what I was thinking. The store clerk probably knew what I was thinking, as well. She had a little smirk on her face when we checked out. My guess is that that brush is rarely used as a bath brush, and the Vermont Country Store people know it. In any case, the purchase gave a not-so-subtle hint to my wife that my interest in having her spank me was alive and well.

Panties were still an undercurrent in my spanking fantasies. I searched the web for something suitable and initially came upon a site for men that sold rather nice underwear. The underwear was distinctively male but had a lingerie look to it. It was also very expensive Italian lingerie. I bought a few pairs and showed them to my wife explaining that this underwear was essentially lingerie for men (note the fuller cut), and we could use these as “punishment panties” (hint, hint). She looked at me as if to say “You are crazy!” But, I think I had beaten her down and she agreed to spank me on Saturday morning in my new “punishment panties.” She stuck to her promise and carried out the ritual as best she could. Saturday morning she told me to dress in my punishment panties, and do some corner time. Then she put me over her lap, bared my bottom and gave me a tentative spanking with the bath brush (Actually that bath brush does hurt!). We were on our way, or so I hoped.

Since that time I have found several sites that sell men’s panties, and much less expensively than the Italian site. I have quite a collection now, but they are seldom used. I had hoped my wife would make me wear them all day in anticipation of a spanking, but she doesn’t seem to want to do that. (What if you were in a car wreck?). I find that my desire to wear the panties increases as my desire for a spanking intensifies. And, occasionally I do sneak them on and wear them all day. My hope is that my wife will catch me wearing them without her permission and give me a spanking.

So, why my obsession with panties and what is the relationship to spanking? For me, panties increase the naughtiness factor by at least a factor of two. I have always had a prurient interest in panties, and I feel very naughty in sort of a delicious when I wear them.

Some women object to the idea of forced feminization of the male for humiliation with the argument, “Why should being feminine be humiliating?” I don’t view wearing panties as primarily a humiliation ritual (although, there is a bit of humiliation present for reasons I’ll discuss below), but value the practice for its symbolic nature. As a symbol during a spanking, my wife “making” me wear panties says to me, “For the duration of this ritual, my femininity trumps your masculinity and I am in control. It’s like the scissors-cloth-stones game we played as children, where scissors trump, or cut cloth, cloth trumps, or covers stones and stones trump, or break scissors. Her feminine cloth trumps my stones, so to speak. It might be better if they were her panties, but the symbol is there, and I have to do the best I can.

Finally, because my wife thinks that wearing panties, even male Italian lingerie, is a bit silly, wearing them does throw a little humiliation into the mix. The humiliation exists by virtue of my wife’s attitude, not because she or I view femininity to be a lesser quality than masculinity. I find that on the occasions that I do wear them all day, I try to avoid her having knowledge of it. I put them on out of her sight and I undress out of her sight. Even though I know she knows I have them and wear them occasionally, I’m slightly embarrassed by the fact.

I had suggested to her that I should ask her permission to wear them, but she has never been too interested in that game. I know, if I wear them secretly, that she will find them in the laundry basket latter in the week, and I continue to hope she will use it as a foil for a spanking. “Throck! I see you wore your punishment panties without my permission. You can just go put these right back on and go to the corner. You’re going to get a sound spanking with my bath brush!” That is the fantasy I have while wearing them anyway.

There is a very fine line that one walks in using special clothing in a submission ritual. In no way should the ritual become perverse in the mind of either participant. The participants must be aware of the symbolism of the clothing and although there may be elements of humiliation for the duration of the ritual, the mutual respect the participants have for each other should not be compromised. So this is a bit of a dilemma with me and punishment panties, but so far C has, I think, accepted it for what it is.

In any case, I believe using special clothing in the submission ritual enhances the “naughtiness” factor significantly. This, I believe, is true regardless of the gender of the spankee. I have read about female spankees desiring to wear special “little girl” pajamas or schoolgirl uniforms. Since with many spanking couples, the reasons for a spanking, even a discipline spanking, are contrived, I believe anything that can be done to enhance the naughtiness factor and the symbolism within the ritual, ultimately adds value to the spanking.

Well, the above long-winded ramble is my rationalization for wearing punishment panties. But, who knows, maybe I’m just a cross dresser.

The Concept of Spanking

Virtually everyone in the adult spanking community agrees that spanking is not a good idea for children. Now, anecdotal evidence suggests that the spanking community has an age distribution that is heavily weighted to the over forty side, maybe even over fifty. These people grew up when spanking children was not unusual, although many claim they were never spanked.

I recall that during my time in junior high school and high school, in the fifties and sixties, every gym coach had a paddle, and would certainly not hesitate to use it on bad boys. I witnessed many a “bad boy” paddling in my teen years (I assume that there may have been “bad girls” too, but I never witnessed one getting spanked).

Indeed, I taught in a middle school myself in the late sixties, and although I never used it, there was a paddle hanging by the door of every classroom, and it served as a warning to any child who might step out of line. Yes, this was in the late sixties! Looking back on that time, I find it hard to believe that any parent would abdicate that much authority to a teacher, and particularly a teacher of eleven to fourteen year old children.

The protocol at the time was that, whenever a child was spanked, there had to be another adult witness, presumably to insure that there was no abuse (Can you believe it? It’s true!). The teacher in the room next door to me was quite the spanker, and I was called into the hall on many occasions to witness a spanking. I don’t recall that I witnessed any girls being spanked (the teacher next door was male, and I can’t recall if there were rules about spanking female students), but I saw many a boy’s bottom blistered. The paddles that were used were wicked things as well. They were heavy and had holes drilled in them. It still amazes me that these paddles were actually issued by the school. I don’t know who made the paddles, probably the shop teacher or perhaps even the children themselves as a “project.” It surprises me that I didn’t find the whole activity perverse at the time.

Now, the point is that almost everyone over forty probably has had some experience with spanking. If they did not experience the physical act personally, it is very likely they observed it. The question is does that experience have any bearing on the fact that there are so many spankaphiles over the age of forty? Or is the fact that we seem to be an older crowd, only a consequence of the fact that we have the confidence to “come out” to our partner.

Assume for the moment that all spanking of children ceased. Would we, in that case, have any knowledge of spanking? Would spankaphiles still exist? Is the concept of spanking something that is woven into the mental cloth of the human animal? If we had never experienced or witnessed a spanking as a child, would we still have the desire to be slapped on the bottom by our lover? Is pain associated with loving something all humans need, and if so would that imply all people are spankaphiles on some level?

I sure would like some answers to these questions.

Artist: Sardax, from the T.A.K.S.A. Yahoo Group

The Bonding Rush

What I would like to know is, does anyone else experience what I call a “bonding rush” after a spanking? I described it in the post on my last spanking as an incredible feeling of closeness to, warmth for, and dependence on C. Actually, it is even more than that, but that is as close as I can come to a description. It is basically what drove me to blog.

I have experienced the bonding rush in my last three spankings and very strongly in my last two. Perhaps not so strongly in earlier spankings, when my wife was a bit more tentative about spanking. There were long intervals of time between the earlier spankings I received. Consequently, my memory may have faded a bit. I certainly enjoyed those earlier spankings, but I don’t remember the strong rush of emotion after they were over. Is the rush the result of as yet some unidentified mental change in me, or a change in C’s technique of spanking me, or something else entirely?

I wonder if the bonding experience has anything to do with the intensity of the spanking, and whether in the future I will have to endure harder and harder spankings to have the experience. My last spanking may have pushed my limits a bit. I actually want C to push my limits, but I know if I break down in any way that causes her concern, she will stop spanking me. I certainly don’t want that to happen.

In any case, the questions are:

Do other spankees experience the “bonding rush,” or some similar emotion, after a spanking?

Is the rush related to some psychological interaction between spanker and spankee or,

Is the rush related to the intensity of the spanking?

As one becomes a more seasoned spankee, do you continue to experience the bonding rush?

As one becomes a more seasoned spankee, do spankings have to become more intense to continue to experience the bonding rush?

Artist: Jay Em

Mastering the Art of a Splendid Spanking

After my spanking on Friday night, I felt like I should do something for my wife to show my appreciation. Now, I’m not much of a movie buff, but my wife loves movies, so I offered to take her to a movie. She chose Julie & Julia, a movie with vignettes of Julia Child’s life interwoven with the life of a woman who tries to cook all of the recipes in “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” and blogs about it. It was a cute movie if not a great one.

On our way home I said, “I should write a blog.”

“Not on spanking,” was C's immediate reply. I’ll have to come clean to her one day.

I then began to think someone should write a recipe book for spankings. Then someone could “bedroom test” all the recipes and blog about it. What would one title such a book? How about “Mastering the Art of a Splendid Spanking,” or, of course, “The Joy of Spanking” comes to mind. There would be sections:

Appetizers: Erotic Spankings

Soups and Salads: Stress Relief Spankings

Main Courses: Punishment Spankings

Deserts: Play Spankings

The book would of course include discussions of the ingredients of a good spanking: the spankee, the spanker, positions, spanker/spankee dialogue. Then there could be pictures, diagrams and discussion of spanking equipment: wooden spoons, spatulas, brushes, crops, canes, whips, benches and so on. And, no book would be complete without a discourse on spices and garnishes: special clothing (punishment panties), restraints, toys, insertables (ginger fig, anyone?), and pervertables.

How about the recipes?

How to Bake a Beautiful Bottom

Place spankee in corner wrapped only in punishment panties, and allow to come to room temperature.

Arrange spankee over lap and add:

1 tablespoon of love (I love you and I’m doing this for your own good).

1 teaspoon of chastisement (You are a very naughty boy, and you will receive a very hard spanking.)

A pinch of humiliation (What pretty punishment panties, but they will have to come down. Naughty boys must be spanked on their bare bottoms).

Whip for thirty strokes with a spatula.

Allow bottom to rest for one minute and observe development of a rosy pink color.

Whip with a wooden spoon another ten strokes.

Return Spankee to the corner and add ½ teaspoon of humiliation (panties down).

After fifteen minutes, rub bottom with lotion.

Place Spankee in bed and cuddle until libido rises to the appropriate level.

Serve with a cheeky red Bordeaux, or rose.

A book containing 365 recipes would be about the right length, I think. One could then blog about a spanking a day. Wouldn’t that be delicious!

Friday Spanking

I think I may be seeing the benefit of blogging. It led to a spanking Friday night.

I have not revealed the blog to my wife yet. But I did send her a copy of my latest post on submission rituals. She was working at home on Friday instead in one of her satellite offices, and I decided to email her a copy of the post. I attached the file to the email, screwed up my courage, and punched send. I went back to work fully expecting to get a phone call asking, "What in world were you thinking, sending me something like that?" I didn't get one. Maybe she hadn't read it.

We were meeting for lunch at noon. When I got to the restaurant, the first thing she said was, "I got your email this morning."

"Did you read it?" I said with a little trepidation.

"Yes!" she said with a smile. "It was good. Why and when did you write it?"

"Oh, I wrote it earlier this week. I was going to post it as a comment on one of the blogs I read, but it got a little long," I lied.

"So, you were surfing the 'naughty sites' at work?"

"I guess so," I said, a bit embarrassed. "Things have been slow at work this week."

"Hmmm," was her only reply. She turned to her menu and didn't mention the subject again.

The fact that C hadn't upbraided me for the post, and also mentioned that she had thought it was good was encouraging to me. Perhaps she would begin to understand the need I have to perform these submission rituals.

That evening we were in the den watching TV. She was sitting in her leather recliner. She looked at me and said, "You know, you are going to have to be punished for surfing the 'naughty sites' at work."

"Yes," I said, hanging my head. My heart started racing.

"Go to my bedroom and put on your turquoise punishment panties and come back out here and give me a foot rub."

Wow! I didn't even know she knew I had turquoise "punishment panties."

I returned to the den dressed as she had ordered, and knelt on the floor in front of her and began to give her a foot rub. Now, as it turns out, my wife likes to have her toes kissed. More to the point, she likes to have her toes sucked on (she will kill me if she ever reads this).

I discovered this accidentally, and quite recently. My wife and daughter had been traveling and during the trip had treated themselves to a pedicure. I was giving her a foot rub shortly after her return when I commented how nice her toes looked and gave them a small kiss. She simply smiled at me and sighed. I decided to be a little bolder and give her big toe a French kiss. So I took the whole toe in my mouth. I expected to hear, "What in the world are you doing? Stop that right now!"

All I heard was "hmmmm!"

I became bolder and began to kiss, suck and lick all of her toes, first on one foot and then the other. Her sighs made it clear that she was enjoying the attention.

"You like this, don't you?"

"Oh yes!" she sighed.

Now, I found it extraordinary that C loved the attention I was paying to her toes. She is very ambivalent to oral/genital sex. Maybe I’m no good at it; maybe it has something to do with hygiene. I don’t know. But she loved having her toes attended to. And I loved doing it.

What a wonderful submission ritual. There I was, under sentence of a spanking, kneeling at C’s feet in my punishment panties, paying homage to her toes.

After fifteen or twenty minutes of foot rub and toe worship she finally said, “It’s time for bed. Go to my room and wait in the corner until I call you.”

I did as I was told. C got ready for bed, came into the bedroom and said, “It’s time. Bring me the strap.”

“You’re not going to put me over your lap for the bath brush?” I hinted. I really wanted to be across her lap even though I know it is bad form to “top from the bottom.”

“You will be across my lap, but I’m going to use the strap on you. Be quick about it now and let’s get this over with.”

I brought her the strap (It was only the third time she had used it on me). She sat on the ottoman and said, “Over my knee now.” I draped myself across her lap.

“What pretty blue panties,” she teased. “But, they will have to come down. Boys who surf ‘naughty sites’ have to have bare bottom spankings.” With those words she lowered my panties and began to spank me with the strap.

I don’t know how many strokes she gave me, but the pain was becoming intense. I was crying out with each stroke and desperately holding on to the legs of the ottoman and desperately trying not to squirm and kick too much. She paused for a moment to say something to me. I didn’t catch what she said, but I thought the spanking might be over. Wrong! She began again, and I started to wonder if I would break. After about ten more strokes, I got relief.

“It’s over. Get up and come to bed. You can wear your punishment panties the rest of the night.”

I got into bed and cuddled up close to C, and that is when I experienced my bonding rush. It is an incredible feeling of closeness to, warmth for, and dependence on C. That is why I crave her spankings. I am not sure why I have this experience but it is very real and wonderful!

I’m very excited that C played this so well. This is only my eighth spanking in about two and a half years since I came out to C as a spankaphile. However, I have had three of those eight spankings in the last month and a half, and they get better every time. I am hopeful that this relationship is moving forward, and that C is getting something out of it as well.

Artist: Puyal