Friday, November 6, 2009

The Kink Index

I am curious as to whether women experience spanking the same way men do.  I think probably not.  In surfing F/M spanking blogs and groups it appears men prefer a punishment aspect to their spankings.  Men seem to want to feel like naughty boys, and want to be taken in hand by their female partner; I certainly do.  Women, on the other hand seem to appreciate a wider range of spanking types, from erotic, to punishment, to just play. My evidence is only anecdotal, of course.

All spankings are erotic to some degree, if only by virtue of being across the spanker's lap partially or totally naked, or even by being exposed to the spanker in naughty ways.  Well, I say all.  I have seen reports on blogs and groups of men being forced to have an orgasm before a spanking to make it truly a “punishment” spanking.  I have never seen, on the many M/F spanking blogs and groups that I read, a report of a female being forced to have an orgasm before a punishment spanking.  There seems to be some asymmetry here.  Also the relationship between orgasm and spanking obviates the sexual nature of adult spanking (we all know that anyway).

In my case, orgasm makes my kink index go negative.  After an orgasm (as my crude graph shows; click on it and it becomes bigger, and more readable) I have no desire for kinky sexual activity.  In fact, if I have had a spanking, the negative kink index implies that I’m just slightly embarrassed about it and I wonder why I’m wired as I am.  If I haven’t had a spanking, I probably have a kinky movie running in my head during sexual activities, usually in which C has a leading role (If I need a spanking  and don’t get one, as the graph indicates, my kink index grows and my movies get kinkier).  After orgasm, I wonder why I can’t just look at C and have enough of a “turn on” with that.  She really is a beautiful woman.  I’m a little embarrassed by the fact that I’m running these movies; not so embarrassed that I won’t do it again, but, in other words, my kink index goes negative. Orgasm is the "step function" of kink.  I still want to cuddle with C after orgasm, but kink is out of the picture.

In any case, I definitely would not like to be spanked immediately after an orgasm, when I’m in negative territory.  Furthermore, I think that is why my preference is not to use spanking as foreplay.  I like to experience the “bonding rush,” and I like to stay on the spanking high for a while.  I suppose that I could still think of a spanking as erotic foreplay, only very “fore,” like the night before.  And although I want to feel like a punished naughty boy, I need to have a positive kink index to achieve the bonding rush.

My question, for all the women out there who love to be spanked, is: Does your kink index go negative after an orgasm, or are you just as happy to have a spanking after an orgasm as before, or can you take spankings between multiple orgasms and still maintain a positive kink index?


Rob said...

Interesting post, and one I can relate to. I think you're right on about your first point regarding men wanting some aspect of punishment associated with their spankings, vs. women enjoying a wider range of spanking experiences. I also think your 2nd point is on target. Whatever the kink, once I have an orgasm, the desire for that activity fades immediately and typically returns the longer I go without an orgasm.


Widgets said...

I used to enjoy a romantic spanking but due to a broken back can not so aj enjoys spankings for both of us. Yes I enjoyed many different romantic experiences but now only aj does. I only enjoy being the disciplinarian.

Bonnie said...

Hi Throck,

For me, the kink index is a bit more complicated. My desire depends upon a number of factors including the situation, my mood, how long it's been, what else is happening in life, and hormones. Also, a few well chosen words whispered in my ear can push up my index very quickly.

Thanks for sharing your interesting concept.


Throck said...

Rob: Thanks for the comment. Glad someone else has a similar experience. Also, I enjoy your blog.

Rachel: Sorry you are missing those romantic spankings. Go easy on your back when you apply the hairbrush english to aj, but make sure you get shat you and he need.

Bonnie: Thanks for your comment. As I have always suspected (really known), the female libido is much more complex. Just wish I could figure it out. I also have to admit that the right words whispered by C in my ear, particularly with respect to spanking, raise my kink index substantially. I certainly enjoy your blog, and I have gotten a lot of insight from it.

Anonymous said...

I'm definitely in the camp of those who need a punishment aspect to their spankings. There's no doubt that sexual tension increases your ability to tolerate the punishment aspect, raises the pain threshold some say.

I've never been spanked after an orgasm because we tend to keep spanking (punishment) and sex (fun) separate. There have however been times when I've been naughty and K has deferred the spanking until the following morning so as not to spoil nighttime recreation. The apprehension creates a great sexual tension which always makes the night and first thing in the morning exciting, but after that sexual tension dissipates I'm quite defenseless when its time for my spanking........10 o'clock on a Saturday morning after a night of lovemaking, I always think I feel them the most.

I suppose thats a bit like being spanked after an orgasm isn't it?


Anonymous said...

Great thoughts! Love it... Yes, spanking after an orgasm would be horrible!! Fortunately Wife doesn't know *this* one!! :)

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